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Goddess Dancing Manic Panic Off The Edge Of The World
by
Theresa Cecilia Garcia
I'm in a dark place.
In the middle of NYC abstract letters were dancing on red brick walls,
white
starched, among rainbow colored laundary on thin beams of line held
firmly
in place with wooden clips, waving with the warm breeze.
My body jogs repeatedly about the perimeter of the neighborhood for
hours at
a time and I run as far and as fast as I can. Sometimes it seems like
I'm
going to fall off the edge of my world into a pool of deep thought,
drowning, until someone walks by and finds the remains of my body,
blood
spurting viciously from all orifices. Stream lining through my fingers
,
down my legs and I scream a silent scream and I smile and hide behind
it.
Hurt yourself on the outside, kill yourself on the inside.
He told me he loved me. That he would never do anything to hurt me. But
down
came the rain and the darkness swallowed the sun's rays and I
reincarnated.
Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and seen death? It's a strange
death because life has not killed the soul nor has love. It's the death
of a
silent wound. Unrevealing yet immense and as you stare into those eyes
the
feeling of pain estranged from the world but in our midst
miraculous, inviolable like a flower unfolding, exquisite martyrdom
holds
your gaze.
In a split second of fury and inattention, a horrendous inhuman roar
exploded through my head and I was taken back.
"I have to ask, are you wet? Because I'm getting hard just looking at
you."
Forced smile, "What?" Uncomfortable, "No, not at all."
"Hmmmmmmm not wet yet? Can I help?" His facade of civility snapped as
he
lashed out and jerked me by the hair so hard all I could see was
stars. I
screamed and fought, bit into his hand and drew blood as he dragged my
head
toward him , his hot breath on my face. "Don't be so puritanical and do
not
call for there's nobody here. Do not shout, do not ask or beg for there
is
nobody, there is nobody."
Vomiting on the edge of the sidewalk. Release me free .Where the fuck was I?
Midnight
Two ambulances silently flashing their lights. One on the left the
other on
the right. My legs were vibrating and I'm stagnate standing at the red
light
and both ambulances pass through it with ease and I don't know who I
am.
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