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The Many Vacation Packages of Kartrina Resort
As I traveled to Kartrina, I glanced around the bus and I saw numerous kids my
age and under with an excited look on their faces. They were grinning widely
because like me, maybe all their state test scores are above average. I peered
through the window and the spacious scenery seemed more like the Northeast than
Florida because the resort destination's placement differs from other theme
parks in Florida. I looked at the other side of my seat and I saw my sixth grade
math teacher named Mr. M sitting right next to me.
"Mr. M, how are you doing?" I inquired.
"Dirty-fine," he answered, "All those bunions kept on asking, 'Are we there
yet?' but we're about thirty-trix miles or less from here."
"Not bad for such impatient children," I said, "I'm glad we're almost there."
Mr. M and I chatted during the trip to Kartrina, mostly about the resort because
neither he nor I had been there. We both shared the same hotel and it was our
first time there. When our bus passed the golden entry gates, I stared at the
most unusual sight that looked more elaborate than most theme parks and it does
have a connotation with the word multi-theme park. It looked as if someone
constructed Care-A-Lot on Earth and the trees in rainbow colors lined the
glitter-paved highways. Heaps of flowers bedecked the median of the highway with
color, enchantment, and beauty. The song "This Shall be for Music" by Mark
Patterson filled the vehicle as if magic had touched it. Chants of "We're
finally here!" from children echoed throughout and those shouts of triumph,
laud, bliss, and elation touched me and some other tourists on our way to Regis
Manor. We arrived there, but I glanced seriously at the large, ecru sign that
read in rust-colored letters:
TO ALL GUESTS: REGIS MANOR ACCOMODATES GUESTS WITH AN INSPIRATIONALLY GOOD
PACKAGE ONLY BECAUSE OF RECENT VANDALISM ON FIRST AND SECOND FLOORS. THE
INCEDENT IS NOT HATRED, BUT THE GRAFFITI WERE CHILDHOOD DRAWINGS AND THE
PERPETRATOR APPEARED TO BE A MALE FIVE YEAR OLD WEARING A SHIRT WITH BLUE AND
WHITE STRIPES, RED CORDEROYS, TRIANGLE NOSE, SPACED-OUT TEETH, AND STUBBY HAIR.
IF YOU SEE HIM, CALL THE KARTRINA RESORTWIDE GUEST RELATIONS AT 462-8164.
As I waved farewell to Mr. M (he was going to another hotel named Slarshy Inn
and he has a Makin' Rookie package), I realized that the five year old described
in the sign seemed familiar because some kids (including me) own a book about a
boy who exactly fits within those details on it. Most likely, in my opinion, the
implements for those incidents are crayons in a colossal rainbow of colors
alongside the usual eight (i.e. red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black,
and brown). I planned to attend a dinner show called "Boppin' to the Brandenburg
Beat," but I, for one, am unsure whether it will be performed or not at all
because of this. I went inside and I acquired my reservation for the show,
another for the "Celebrity Morn" (a meal similar to Disney's so-called
"character breakfasts"), another for a room for first timers called "The Roomy
Rookie Suite," and an Earth Roamer ticket (a pass similar to Walt Disney World's
Park Hopper Pass).
That night, anticipating Inspirationally Good Package members (myself included)
waited anxiously for the "Boppin' to the Brandenburg Beat" dinner show, but when
the doors opened, they were appalled by the sights of Cast Crewmates rubbing
their Mr. Clean Magic Erasers on the crayon-embellished walls of the theater.
Some nine woodwind players of the Brandenburg Boppers and a female Cast Crewmate
faced us with long faces.
"The dog gone show is cancelled until that havoc-wreckin' child is captured,
y'all," a performer named 'Soonist Sally ('soonist is a term for someone playing
the bassoon) barked knowingly, "Y'all come back when the mess is cleaned up, you
"But my children loved shows, you Southern dame," one tourist complained, "They
are upset because they want entertainment, so may we come in?"
"We have not seen this show since its blasted debut in 1994," another grumbled,
"It has been a decade since I watched this show of songbirds, characters, and
"I have seen this show in every one of the Kartrina vacation packages that I and
my family had spent together," another nagged, "Now we want to see it again for
"I loved your choreography, songs, music, acting, props, and the costumed
characters," another moaned, "It has been three long years since I have seen the
"Can you please open the theater?" another begged.
"We want to see the show, we want to see the show, we want to see the show, we
want to see the show!" loads of children bellowed wistfully.
"Please don't keep the youngsters waiting," I pleaded in a calm tone, "and I'm
sorry for my little piece of impatience."
"I believe that 'Soonist Sally is right," the Cast Crewmate sighed. She then
turned to the rest of the tourists and said solemnly, "All tourist must hold
their reservations because 'Boppin' to the Brandenburg Beat' is cancelled until
further notice. We, at the glorious Regis Manor, apologize for your
inconvenience and thank you for your cooperation."
Now what should all the discouraged guests do? How could a five year old
vandalize a remarkable hotel that was once the most prized hotel in all of
Kartrina with crayon drawings appropriate to his age? After I dined at the Clare
Restaurant, I went to bed, requesting the stars that the scheme is irrelevant in
the rest of the family resort. When the security personnel, a handful of Cast
Crewmates, and a minority of guests grab hold of him, he will go to jail, the
place which most children call "The Big Time-Out Room with Bars."
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