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MY SHELTER WITHIN
by
Andrea Doherty
I HAD A
PLACE AS A CHILD, A PLACE DEEP WITHIN MYSELF,
I VIVIDLY RECALL.
A PLACE I WENT WHEN I CRIED SO MUCH I COULD NOT
CATCH MY BREATH,
WHEN I HEARD THE CLANGING OF A BELT BUCKLE COMING
TOWARDS ME,
WHEN MY ADRENALINE ROSE & I TRIED TO PROTECT MYSELF
PHYSICALLY,
BUT WAS TOO SMALL, TOO WEAK, TOO SCARED.
MY EMOTIONAL SHELTER A PLACE I BUILT WITHIN MYSELF,
WHEN THINGS WENT ALL WRONG, THAT I BELIEVED FOR A
LONG TIME I CAUSED.
THE SCREAMING, THE SMASHING, THE BEATINGS. I COULD
SHUT THEM ALL OFF.
I COULD CONTROL MY FEELINGS, WHEN EVERYTHING ELSE
WAS OUT OF MY CONTROL!
I SUPPRESSED SUCH ANGER, SUCH HATE AND THAT IS WHAT
IT TRULY WAS,
I WISHED HER DEAD SO MANY TIMES.
I PRAYED FOR IT, AND I FELT GUILTY FOR IT.
I HAD TO PROTECT MYSELF, THE TRUTH IS, I WAS
EMOTIONALLY,
ALONE.
HE KNEW & HE SAID NOTHING.
HE ABANDONED ME EMOTIONALLY!
HE LEFT ME THERE TO SUFFER WHEN HE RAN HIMSELF.
WHERE DO I GET MY STRENGTH FROM ,
I REMEMBER THAT PLACE I WENT TO,
MY SHELTER WITHIN, I REMEMBER THE HORROR,
THE PAIN , THE HUMILIATION I SUFFERED.
I STAND UP AND I FIGHT, BECAUSE I CAN,
I AM NO LONGER; TOO SMALL, TOO WEAK, OR TOO
SCARED.
I DEFEND MYSELF: NOT WITH MY FIST BUT WITH MY
INTELLIGENCE.
THE POWER AND THE STRENGTH I HAVE INSIDE ME IS THAT
OF A SURVIVOR!
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