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The Adventures of Brat Cat
by
Clive Michie
Yah it’s that time of the year again, and I can be guaranteed to have wet frozen
fur for the next 6 month. Hello I am Purr but I hate that name. The other human
calls me brat cat – I like that handle much better, it’s me. Let me explain. It
all goes back to the day I met the dog down the street, I will tell you this
that there has never been so much saliva on four legs. There can’t be, he should
be added to the wonders of the world list.
I was out doing my rounds and checking up on kin in the area. I turned a corner
and there it was the largest dogs in the world or so it looked. He stood
towering over me with a massive chest and jowls that hung like icicles off a
roof on these cold winter days. In that split second my defenses kicked in. I did
not turn to my ninja training causing fur to fly or try to befriend this mangy
mutt. No sir I turned and ran like hell. I have a few areas on this block where
it is easy to loose a dog but there is one house across the street, an old
abandoned house that is a god sent.
This house had many features for escape, small holes in long runs of fencing, a
skirted building on a 12 inch footing and this is where I received my training
from an old tabby called Can Banger. Can banger was steel grey in colour with
orange eyes. Born on the street and never having had the luxury of a soft warm
and clean home but he always claimed he was better for it, but we knew him to be
lonely on the street as he was getting old and wanted company in his harder
years. He delighted in calling us house cats and comfy cat or hey free lion and
hey nice fur soft kitty but the worst was here kitty kitty kitty and then
sneering. But we all loved and respected him, he was pure fee lion and he loved
to add accent to the lion part.
When ever any of our fellow furs where in a difficult spot he had answers. He
made it his job to teach the art of escape from would be predators. The most
important lesson ever taught to me was that the dog’s legs are not built for
cornering they work best in long straight stretches and they have bad breaks. So
never run straight ahead. Another great lesson was that the dogs are bigger but
will still try to access the same hole that you do.
He warned us that dog had incredible vision and could see a mussel in your right
front leg relax as you prepare to make a hard left and some dogs use this to
great advantage over their inability to corner.
My heart accelerated as my legs took over pounding the grass with a forty
percent increase in heart beat this was exhilarating. I remembered what Banger
had said to get traction and cornering it all claw action so with 30 percent
claw on the rear and 50 on the front I bolted. Taking the advantage of a smaller
claw to throw bits of grass and twigs in the face of my pursuer, that’s the fun
of the run that’s what Banger says. I made a hard left and through a hole in the
fence that would give me about one second advantage because the fence ended four
feet from there. The mutt came around the corner in a cloud of dust and I swear
to god I could not see the sun for a moment. I bolted for the house where bed
springs and other debris like branches where stored in a pile and I ran under.
Now in most cases the dog would make an attempt to follow or find a way around
but this dog and seemed to know better. Some thing very strange about this dog
that I could not put my finger on, something made this hound different from the
norm. The dog jumped over a five foot high pile of garbage eleven feet on the
horizontal like some kind of super dog.
Who was it that said exit stage right – well that’s exactly what I did under the
skirt of the house in over some plumbing – around a footing and out to the other
yard, this yard was well fenced and would prevent this hound getting to me and I
could even walk the six foot fence and snicker at the mutt.
I emerged in total safety or so I thought I was in the yard and looking around I
seen that this house had been sold to a family called the Doberman brothers I
guess their names to be Ken and Nel. Looking around I seen a mutt then another
and then another they where all different sizes and many bigger then my last
pursuer. The mood was one of shock and terror and yet a tranquil horror seem to
freeze my body to the ground and in slow motion I did a three hundred and sixty
by one hundred and eighty reverse barrel roll and with one hundred percent claw
I turned to run at the hole – where is the hole where is it oh my god where is
the hole.
I woke in a fee lion sweat with rapid breathing and legs twitching to the sound
of a moving truck next door. Wow only a dream I raised my head and looked out
the window from where I lay and spotted with horror a family called Doberman
Kennel moving in across the street in to the old abandoned house.
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