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Tragically Hip
by
Corinne Grech-Linkous
I went shopping today, oh happy day! I was trying on one of those nearly
see-through, super thin, gauzy-type sweaters, the kind you wear a tank top
underneath. I picked out a white sweater and a black tank top. I thought this
could be a cute going-out look while still being covered up.
The medium was too big, but the small was too tight. How much variation do we
really need in sizes? I don't think an anorexic midget could have fit into the
small, and an obese giant would be swimming in the medium.
I had to weigh my options here. Will people think I look like hip pregnant woman
in the medium? Because no matter how "hip" I might look, "pregnant" is not a
word I want to be immediately following the word "hip" when describing me.
However, in the small, I was busting out of the seams. What if I am bloated the
day I wear the sweater? I don't need my see-through sweater capturing
tummy-overhang over top of my low rider jeans. I also don't need my back fat
showing from my too tight push-up bra which I'm spilling out of the sides. The
only way I seem to get pushed up, is my wearing a 32 AA (you do what you gotta
do in the name of cleavage, I say!).
Maybe I should put the sweater back, you say. Of course not! This gives me a
perfect excuse to accessorize with lots and lots of jewelry to detract from my
"hip pregnant" look. Haha. I went for the medium, and NO, I'm not pregnant
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