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Was It So Selfish?
by
Larisa Lora Shvartsman
I was angry that you always felt tired.
I was angry that there was always someone,
Or something more important than me...
I was angry that you were angry.
I was hurt that you were not excited to see me.
I was devastated by getting so emotional.
THAT WE MISUNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER SO OFTEN.
That we could not stay calm, when we talked.
I was devastated that we mistrusted and rejected each other.
That we fought over money, that we didn't have enough.
I was sad that you had to work so hard.
I was sad that you were always angry.
I was hurting that we lost trust to each other.
I was hurting that we were losing our love.
I did not feel special.
It was hard to fight all the time.
It was hard not to be happy while loving.
I wanted us to be happy!!!
I was scared that all different problems
Were getting in the way of our LOVE.
I was afraid to share my feelings anymore.
I was afraid I was going back into my shell.
I was afraid we are drifting apart.
I was afraid that we are losing our LOVE!
I was afraid it won't come back.
I wanted to love YOU
and be loved by YOU ... so much ..............
I feel so embarrassed that I was getting upset all the time.
I am sorry that I wasn't more accepting and loving ...
I am sorry that I stopped trusting your love ...
I am sorry that I WAS SO SENSITIVE, SO EASILY HURT.
I AM SORRY THAT I AM HURTING YOU NOW!!!
I am sorry, that I became so cold.
Sorry, that we don't agree on certain things.
I am sorry that I am not perfect.
I did love you.
Somewhere in my heart I still do.
I wanted to work things out.
I did not want to lose our LOVE!!!
I wanted us to be happy.
Sometimes I thought you didn't know what to do.
So you started me to be in the wrong.
Making all my mistakes. Yet... I loved you.
Needing your love even more, when I was not lovable.
Was it so selfish?
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