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Guy I Used to Know
by
Nancy Brar
I remember a
long time ago at a lake with quacking ducks,
Your presence in my life so frequent I was sure you
would never change,
But I guess our time together ran out as well as
our luck,
Because as I grew older you were gone, and I
wondered if you had been a dream.
I'm sure you still love me; I could never be
uncertain of that,
But only because I am your blood, not for my mind,
nor my soul,
And no matter what you're doing or where you are, I
can't ever ask,
Why you won't come back home.
I can't help but snipe and gripe at mentions of
you,
Hating and loving who you are both at the same
time,
I can't stop thinking about where you are and what
you're up to,
When I'm stuck here alone with no lifelines.
You used to take me everywhere, your portable
child, you said,
Then how did it come to this point in our lives?
When you stumble home and lie on the couch half
dead?
Peeking through my shutters at night as you run off
to join your drinking buddies again?
You talk wise words of futures should, consider, I
A last attempt to be a number one dad,
When both of us know your words are an illusion, a
lie
And I cannot help but yearn for everything we had.
You hand me a dollar to satisfy my needs for a
father,
But can a dollar wipe away my tears when I cry?
Will it hold my hand and whisper words of comfort,
that dollar?
Will it murmur gruff congratulations when I walk
down that graduation line?
I never know what to call you,
Never know what to say when you are around,
I even miss you're telling me what to do,
I wonder how an "I love you, dear," from your lips
would sound?
I cannot stop you from changing your pretend,
I cannot make you stay home and spend time with me,
I am not the parent, I was never the child, broken
hearts never mend,
If only you could look and finally see.
Guy I used to know,
I just want you to remember that no matter how much
I hate you,
No matter how old and wise I grow,
I cannot help but stupidly love you too.
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