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Dangerous Thinking on a Spring-ish Day
by
Nicole Starleigh Yeager
i step
outside into the warm, soft sunlight
it's not quite spring yet, but it feels like it
could be
sometimes i think i would love to be able to sort
out
all the things that keep running through my head
all those crazy, mixed up feelings....
but at the same time, i harbor this fear...
when we are together, just the two of us
i feel so comfortable in your arms, i feel so loved
but i remind myself, as a warm breeze blows across
my face
that things aren't all black and white for us
and that is what scares me the most
i am letting myself fall for you, a very dangerous
thing-
and i am afraid that you are not falling for me
love is something i've always dreamed about
something i've always played with and skirted
around about
but it is a risk i have never had the courage to
take
part of me wants to take that risk now
the rest of me is too afraid of being hurt
remembering pain from the past, not from you, but
pain all the same
a little bird flutters down to the ground where he
flirts with a potential
mate...
and i remember that you still play around
you go out to the clubs with your friends, to see
those girls
other girls still catch your eye, even when i'm
with you
and this makes my heart twinge with both jealousy
and pain
it's no secret i am attracted to you, i've told you
so
but you don't know how much the attraction has
grown
how much i missed you when we were apart for a
little while
how afraid i was to call you
afraid to hear you say you didn't want to see me
anymore
but you didn't... and you came back to me
you wear the necklace that i bought for you
you hold me close at night
and keep your arms on me when we watch movies with
friends
but i can't interpret your actions sometimes
when we are together and you don't always sit next
to me
and you pay more attention to my roommate than to
me
and your friend reminds you of the other day - and
those cute girls at the
restaurant
the fluffy, yet tinted clouds floating above guide
my thoughts to another
detail
i know there is one mistake that i have made - i've
let us move too fast
and this i must put a stop to - i can't hurt myself
like that
it will be hard, though, for i love the feeling i
have when in your arms,
i lay my head on your shoulder as you pull me
closer to you
to give all that up would weigh on me, i'd miss it
so much
but if i told you all of these things, you might
get scared, too
i don't want to corner you, or put any pressure on
you
so i take a deep breath, and bury it all again
even though i know it will only resurface
because the butterflies in my stomach keep lifting
it up with their wings
i don't know what to do
i don't know what to say
i don't know what to feel
or if i should take that risk of telling you
maybe now is not the time
maybe now i will just let things go as they go
maybe now i will wait... and see where fate leads
us
i think my heart is strong enough for that
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