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Unveiling the Truth About Love
by
Nicole Starleigh Yeager
Do you ever wonder what true love really feels like? How many times have you sat back and thought, "oh, this is it! This is true love!" More times than I can count, speaking for myself. But, oh, how juvenile and immature was I!
Each time I thought it was more real than the last, yet none ever amounted to much of anything. Everything was so incredibly complicated and confusing... does he? Doesn't he? Should I? Shouldn't I?
Do you really find love where you least expect it? Of this, I am not sure. I know I found something where I expected nothing, but whether or not it is love is still to be debated. I could sit here and say to you, "It felt so right, it just has to be true love"-- but then, come to think of it, everything has always felt "so right" whenever I've been intoxicated by infatuation.
Do you know the feeling I speak of? The total loss of common sense; the unexplained time warps; the light, airy feeling in your head; all of those tell-tale signs of an incredible crush - but nothing more than that.
What is love, really? What does it feel like? Does it exist as in fairy tales and romance novels and sappy movies? To the most cynical, the answer to that is "absolutely not". But to others, like myself, as I like to think, "well, maybe... wouldn't it be nice?"
It gives me something to dream about at night. It brings inspiration when no words come from my pen. It makes me quite a bit happier than normal... is that possible? If just a little taste of what love might be can do all that to me... what would the real thing actually do?
Dreaming of love, for me, seems better than the real thing. Such a comparison, however, I cannot validly make. I would have to know what "the real thing" entails before having something to weigh the dreams against, you agree?
Sure, I've played the games, and flirted, and had a few little flings, but nothing more than that-- nothing I could lock into my heart and keep for the rest of my life. Nothing REAL.
I admit I often anguished over love; when it would come to me, when it would be my turn. Why did God give everyone else the chance to belong in someone's heart, yet I sit here alone, with nothing to comfort me but the familiar, lonely moon? Why everyone always had a date and I was always the odd-one-out constantly bothered me.
Was it me? Was I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life? Even at such a young age, I made these assumptions. You may call them silly; yet, nothing ever gave me reason to believe otherwise.
It's funny how someone can walk into your life-- a mere acquaintance-- yet leave solid footprints on your soul. You may know them your whole life, or just a few years, or a few months, or only for a few hours. Something about them touches your being and leaves it altered forever.
I've crossed paths with such a person. A
fun friend, I considered him to be. I wasn't looking for anything other than
that with him. Maybe that's why it surprised me so much; why it feels so
differently than anything else I've ever experienced before. I don't know much
about what happened between us, but I know I was
comfortable in being myself. There was some kind of connection, a warm little
spark. I had fun. It was right.
Wasn't it?
So much uncertainty, it's scary, yet... wonderful. There's no way to explain the feeling that I have right now to make you fully understand me, except that... I feel confident in good old "wait and see".
A smile spreads across my face even as I think of him now. It's not a giddy, oh-man-he's-so-cute kind of smile, just a... can't-wait-to-see-him-again kind of smile. Simple as that.
Wow. There really isn't anything too complicated about this one at all, is there? Is that how it's supposed to be? Simple and comfortable? Happy?
I hope so.
But, for now, she dances alone
Across the starry sky
In her own little world, looking
For the heart that cannot lie
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