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Seattle Sweat
by
R.L. Walker
Episode Four
I kinda feel like my dog, "Killer" looks...when he shakes rain water out of his fur. When he comes back inside the house...he shakes from the tip of his nose all the way to the end of his tail...and back again. Raindrops, (just like cold sweats,) flying all over the place. That's what I feel like doing right now...only I don't gots no furs, or tail to shake.
"Killer's" my "Toy Puddle..." Dad said he gots Champion Blood lines. (I can't see them through his fur, though.) His tail's real short and stubby. Dad told me he thinks an alligator might have chewed it off when we were stationed in Florida. (Before I was bornded.) Whew! Good thing he moved to Seattle when he did. Lot's of rain, and water, here...but NO alligators. I heard alligators like to eat little kids. (And they always eat the smallest ones first!)
Dad ain't gonna be home for a long time, yet. (He' a "Cheap Petty Occifer" in the Younited Strates Ghost Card.) I think he's like a boss of everybody, or sumpin. (In charge of Carding all the Ghosts.) I 'member he told me everybody gots to do what he says. Or else they get in big trouble.
Last week was when he got promoted to "Cheap Petty Occifer." We had to go down and buy him all new uniform clothes. The first time he wore his new "Cheap" hat...he was soooooo proud! I could tell "Cheap Petty Occifers" have lots, and lots, of powers. I can tell...just by the way he walks now. Kinda like a "big shot." Said, if I wanted to, I could call him "Cheap Dad" from now on. (I dunno...I like calling him plain old "Dad," bestest.)
Anyways...I'm in trouble. I better make my brain think real hard before Dad gets back. (He never spanks me...but he sure is good at making me think he's gonna!) He chews me out, instead. I gotta stand there at "attentions"...real straight, all the way up and down. Eyes in the front of my face...tummy in...chin out...that kinda stuff. Then he starts talking real loud, and serious, at me...for a pretty long time, too. (It sounds like an important speech, or sumpin.) And he looks straight into my eyes, too...like he's trying to scare me. (I look back...like he is.)
Lemme see. There's gotta be sumpin I can think up wif my BRAIN...to get outta trouble.
It's soooooo boring in here. Wish Mom wudda sent me to my room, instead of making me sit here in the bathtub, like this. (Hope she gets all those blueberry stains off the wallpaper.)
I think I got a idea! This tub drain's been acting funny lately. Dad said it might be plugging up. He's s'posed to clean it out someday. Mom "nags" him about it a lot of times. I think, sometimes, he gets into trouble, too. Like when he doesn't do stuff that she says to do. I think Mom's a "Cheap," too. (But I never seen Mom send HIM to his room, or...make HIM sit in the tub.)
What was that "ad" I saw on TV the other day? Sumpin about a liquid plummer cleaning out drains. How did that go? Something about a easy way to clean out sluggy drains. Poured a bunch of white stuff into the little "holey" thing in the sink... instead of ripping the all the pipes apart, (like some dumb people do.) The white stuff made lot of "bubbles." They were sooooo cute! Had Smiley faces on every one of'em. Every one of them had little brushes and scrubbed all the gunk off the pipes. Then, just like that, "WHOOOOSH!" All the water went spinning down the drain.
Oh, look! Here's one of them "holey" things, right here, in the tub. Not exactly like the one in the kitchen sink, though. This one gots a little round, gold, cover thingy on it. (Maybe that's why the water doesn't go out too fast?) Hmmmmmmm...I should be able to get that off. Now...if I can just get my fingernails under the edge. I could pour some white stuff down the hole and unplug it.
Yeahhhhhhhh, it's comin' off. Yipppppeeee!!! (Not all the way though. Sumpin's stuck. Gotta pull harder.)
RRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...!
Whew! (Still stuck!) I think if I twist it a little...kinda move it back and forth...pull up harder.
RRRRRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRR...RRRRRRRR!
One...Two...Three...
RRRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Yank!...Pop!...There! That did it! No wonder it was stuck... look at those long, wiggly, pieces that was holding it. (Sniff, Sniff... Whew! ... "Yucky!") Stinky, slimy, hairy, stuff wrapped all around it. Golly...Geeeeeee...how Grossifying!
Wonder how much of that stuff is stuck down there??? I'll peek down the hole... so I can see it. (Goshhhhh. It's sooooooo dark down there. Can't see nuffin.) I gotta find sumpin to "fish" around in the hole wif. Now...what could I use? (Dad says: "...there's always a way to do sumpin...if I wanna do it bad enough. Told me to just always use my 'maginations.) Lemme see... I bet that long, skinny, comb would work. I bet it would.
It's working! Goshhhhhhhhh...there's a lotta gunk down there. (S N A P!)
Uh, Oh! So much for imagineering the comb idea. Lucky thing it snapped off way down deep like that. Can't even tell it's in there.
At least I got it partways fixed. Now I gotta find a way to get rid of that stinky smell down there. If I pour some of Dad's after shave down there...maybe? (It stinks real nice.) He keeps it way up there... on that shelf over the sink. I'm gonna hafta climb up on the toilet to reach it. (My legs are way too short...and the top part of me ain't very long, either.) I better be careful. Don't wanna fall...or knock anything over. I'm in enough trouble already!
Hey...this is fun! I'm soooooo proud of myself. Good thing I looked around on those shelves. I never would have seen this bottle of white akka setzer things. (Makes lots of bubbles, too.) It's gonna clean that hole real good. (I know, cuz that's what the "ad" said... "...bubble scrubbin' action cleans drains like Magic...")
I'll dump some aftershave in first. Then I'll stuff some of these white akka
setzers in on top of it. (Glug, Glug, Glug, Glug.) Now for the akka setzers. (One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six... there, that should be enough.) I can hardly wait to see all those happy little bubbles scrubbing away with their little brushes. Now. some more aftershave on top...(Glug, Glug.)
Uh, Oh! Bottle's empty. Hmmmmmmmmmm. I know what...Mom's perfume stuff stinks nicer than aftershave. (Glug, Glug, Glug, Glug.) Wow!!! Look at all them bubbles! MMMMMMMMMMM...smells soooooo good!
“BUMPER!!!...”
Huh??? ... Oh!...Hi there Mom! Look what I'm doing...almost got the tub drain fixed for you..!!! ...MOM ??? "...whatcha looking at me like that for...Mom???"...... (G U L P ! ! !)
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